It's Life..keep it moving

i loved once and can never denied the fact that i did because everyone close to me knew i did. While i was "loving", i found myself out if character, i was more sympathetic, able to apologize, able to forgive, and alot of other weird things that were out of the norm. In the same light that i loved was the same light that i was hurt. & it was funny because you couldn't tell me anything about him; through all the things people told me and the things i witnessed myself, i still saw nothing, but good in him& honestly i still do. It's just the fact that he doesn't see it in himself& because he doesn't, he'll continue to treat people the way he treats them. They're more like claire's accessories rather than Helzburg diamonds. & i didn't see that until now. If you can claim to love someone, but continue to play the same game and hurt them on a regular basis without any remorse then you either don't know what love is, a persons' worth, or both. I can never say i hate him for the things he's done to me up to the 5th year nor can i ever say i don't love him. It's just the fact that i can say that i will never put myself in that same position with him to get crushed again.I know and understand that no one is perfect because i am far from perfect myself, but how can i allow myself to be in the same circle as someone who doesn't care about people beyond themselves? It's not even healthy for me to be him friend because i feel that i tried, but a person is always going to do what they damn well please no matter what they lead you to believe. Yes i am still upset with him and more because it hurts when you think so highly of someone and they prove you wrong especially since life is nothing more than a game to them. Intellectually i'm moving up a level and cannot afford to allow myself another set back trying to better someone who will and plans to remain on the same level. I do wish him well and hope that he finds the love he is looking for& as cold hearted as it may seem, his existence is fading away along with my love for him, but that's life. Maybe one day he'll understand peoples' worth and i hope it doesn't take a worst case scenario to do so.& Maybe just maybe one day we might have friendship exist between each other, but that's too far to even think about.